Check this out. You think I’m nobody but you’re nobody. Us Britney people are way the coolest and you know it. Chris Crocker may be a sick, messed up flamer (we talked on MySpace but he’s a douche nozzle) but we’re still the very people you wish you could be. We know something you don’t. We have the grasp on life you don’t.

Why? It’s because I’m a close personal friend of Britney Spears. Yes, THE Britney Spears. We are friends. She talks to me, she gives me advice for my life, and she helps me through all the BS I deal with every day.

More than that, Britney Spears is a role model for all women.

She’s a gem, and matron saint and the best human being alive in Los Angeles or anywhere else.

She’s stuck raising her stupid kids all by herself, and she doesn’t even get to do that because that F-Tard K-Fed steals them most of the time. She’s a single mother trying to balance a career with being the world’s best mom (she so is that!)

Her mama Jamie-Lynn does the goods, and her baby sister is just like her which is way cool. Some people say she’s too young but whatever she’s not a kid she knows what she’s up to and she’s got a killer career we all want so cool, right?

Her mama Jamie Lynn is a hero. She is the obvious role model for the family and her daughters make more money than trump just for showing up at parties. So what if mama Spears uses her daughters to Cougar hunt on the LA scene, she’s earned those herpes from the best of the best in town.

Just go on to read part two of why I HEART Britney (I’d post a link but I don’t know how to do that, so just look around in a couple days or a week and you’ll find it.)