Hey Kevin, ever wonder why the Crips are giving you a hard time, maybe roughing up your stupid kids when they’re waiting for the bus? Maybe it’s because of that letter you sent to them. Ever wonder why the Bloods stabbed your dumb wife? Maybe it’s because you sent them a letter you sent them telling them how much you watch them selling drugs in front of your house.

I’m not saying I sent letters to rival gangs in your neighborhood saying that you hate them or anything, but I might say that even the Latin Kings might have a bone to pick with (from?) you (r dead, rotting body).

Have you heard burnouts in your alley all night and seen your garbage can stolen repeatedly? Wow, that’s weird, it’s like you don’t get what’s going on. It’s like you can’t see destiny when my honeyspot stares you in the tongue, which it has with unbelievable delight (one time only, and never again, but maybe call me and we can talk about it, You know you have the number so just call me honey.)

If bad things happen to your wife or kids, it’s no big deal baby. You and me can still be together whatever happens to them. You know I’ll still accept you as my one and true only love. God I love you and I miss you and I just want to hold you again in my arms tonight. I won’t put up a fight daddy, I promise, but you have to let me in for me to let you in. I’m not flaring up this week so it will be safe, I promise, just come back to me and I’ll let you have me entirely.

This ain’t free, but it might be right affordable, sez my new friend Tryee. I met him maybe a couple months back when I was hittin the bowling alley way late at night, and he’s way cool and wears the bling like nothing else, and his car is hot as hell (it’s like a 90′s Chevy and it’s pimped to the gills and bounced on the right damn times and people next to us at the light love it.)

Thing is I can’t say he’s perfect cool cuz he said he had cop protection but when we got pulled over he was pulled out and arrested (some old traffic ticket he called and told me from jail) and the pigs picked me up and sent me home saying I got saved and protected from him cuz he’s some kind of bad guy but he talked so good and I like him like mad hell.

So what’s my philosofee?

I like to think of myself as a smart woman who knows what the hell is going on around her, and I know I am. He’s not that bad and I’m not stupid about it. I have an internal fourth sense about these things and it’s something better than my sense of smell, so check it.

My phiosofrees are:

- If it feels good, you’d be stupid not to do it.

- If it pays well, you’d be insane not to let it happen.

- If it’s got nose or vein candy just take it and make off,

- If he’s gross just tell him you’re underage and run like hell.

- There’s nothing you can’t get out of, no matter how bad it is, by gobbling like a turkey, you chicken.

- Don’t think about your parents crying thinking about what things you have to do to get by, your parents did it too (both of them, yes) and just shut up, close your eyes, suppress the bad memories, think of your favorite Britney song and use it as your rhythm for what you have to do to get the money you need.

- Don’t be mad if he “hits you baby one more time”

- Go off the pill whenever you can and trap that man if he has a good enough car and retire tomorrow with your interracial baby in tow.

My Philosofee is that I charge only a small fee, and it’s pretty affordable, and I’ll do whatevery I have to to make the whole thing happen cuz I gots mad bills to get paid and you’re my new boss. I work my ass off, but really I work my ass “on”, but it’s really “on” your face, and you like it cux of my age and it’s all flawless so let’s do this.

That’s my phiosofree.

So it’s like way dumb and I never should have but one day I was wandering the streets near the room I stole to live in and I met a guy who was super nice and gave me a killer hot lunch and he offered me some company and I would have been a bizzle to say no so I said maybe.

He wasn’t a bad guy and I still say that today. He wasn’t a creepy guy he said him and his wife wanted to help me out and be good people to me and they were. I came to his home and she was there waiting for me with a homemade dinner and a hot bath. I didn’t get my clothes back for a long time but it kind of worked out because they were so nice to me.

My parents were always way high and punching me in the face and ribs but these people were so different they loved all over me nad gave me hugs and made my life feel complete.

Thank you Donald and Maria, you guys were always good to me and I will never forget you and I’ll always have a special place for you in a place where you’ve always been, somewhere inside me.

So you know, that’s kind of that. Post comments and replies after this post and we’ll talk about it from there if you know what I mean.

I know you read those stupid tabloids that chase Britney around and make her life miserably and if you do that you have to stop. I see you in line at the grocery store and your buying it and I’m going to say something to you I always do. There is one on the internet called Daily Contempt and they are the worst.

They make up lies about Britney and think their so funny. They are funny but that’s not the point. They attack Britney and she’s a good person (maybe the best) and she didn’t do anything to deserve this.

They aren’t lies really but they make it sound like lies and that’s just as bad. They take little things she does, normal stuff like driving without the kid buckled in right, and they make it like she’s a devil or something.

Heres some headlines they did and why they are so stupid. (These only go back like a couple months, so check out how super dumb and biased this BS is even such a short term.)

____________________________________

Britny Brain Damaged and Secretly Drugged – What hog gobbledy wash, she isn’t SECRETLY drug addicted a damn bit, that’s teh-tarded. She’s OPENLY drugged you assclownhats. What teh ever.

Nothing About Brittney Spears or Eva Mendez or Kirsten Dunst, Dammit! – Suggesting that these celbrititasticoochies are “sluts” as the pictures suggests just becauase thehy are free to sleep with anywhatever guys hot enough to wander through is outdated, arcanist and sexy. That means it favors just men, hellO!

Britney in for the Long Haul! – If you’re going to be an f’ing C about it, do it with better grammar. I know this Adrian Rian John is all about writing for that fag rag in Seattle called The Stranger but it doesn’t mean he has so much as the first damn idea what makes for an interesting, let alone a factual or relevant article about my girl and savior B-Spears, so tuck your she-dick under and put the lotion on the skin, biznastitch.

Britney: The Many Voice of Madness! – If you just look at the pitcher you’ll see it’s way fake, whatev. Stupid. Britney got big and it’s not thing cuz I did it too once but it’s not a problem still even if that’s real you can’t shoot it. Teddy Rosevelt had polio and nobody showed him gimping around so what gives you jerk asses???

Dr. Phil VS. Britney! – This one isn’t as bad since because it’s all about that horrible Dr. Phil (who isn’t even a real doctor, pardon the F out of my snug C), but it’s still trying to make money of my honey Britney, so it’s no good.

Lindsay Lohan Sure Can’t Act, PLUS! British Britney Denies Everything! – Putting pictures in a story about Britney (who has like a million kids to that unwed and empowered mama) is ugly and tupid and nothing that is Okey. They say she denies everything but that’s a lie and stupid.

Lindsay Lohan. Morgue. Britney. Looney Bin. – Putting Brittney in the same cat as Linday Lohoochie is ugly and I can’t do it. How the hell dare you clowns to insult her as such. Gimme your home address and I’ll burn that apartment down no matter how many nabors you have.

Britney Spears, Open Veins, Mrs. Reese Witherspoon-Philipe-Gyllenhaal, The Little Red String Did It! – How dare they put Britney in the same article as Little Red Ragging string. That’s no good and they have the nerve to show a picture of a totally fake Britney stuffeding into a brush-clipper. I don’t think the picture is even real, dicks!

Fame Kills Britney Spears? – Why they had to use that stoopid shave head bit kills me I hate them. This was a sniffle moment and it got caught so now she crazy? I would slash your tires if I could find your tires. Park, bizzle, I’ll find you.

No Britney Zone! PLUS! Hulk VS. Rosie! – Playing the hole Chia card is sick and I cant think you guys do all this whatever bizzle. Just stupid how could they do this?

Every time Britney Loses It… A Circus Clown Dies – Circus clowns don’t die from Britney thats a lie. They dont even die by terrifying children and they do that everyday so this iz stoopid and lies.

Britney’s Invisible Kids, Own Wilson’s Bucket of Mud, PLUS! Celebrity Adopt-o-Rama! – They ham all over her like sloppy hogs but nobody points out how even her tan is everywhere but the overhang of her flawless cheeks. SHe’s so great nobody sez that though.

Clay Aiken for a Breakin’, Also, Brittney Spears Does Britny Spears Stuff – Putting Britnye in the same box as Clay “Bumbugger” Aiken is offensive at best, so I didn’t ashley read the article but I saw the headline and the picture (prolly fake) so I didn’t even read it. Bleeeeeh, I hate it!

Britney Goes INSANE, Kidnaps Her Own Kids, Goes to Loony Bin! – Even saying Britney and Insane in the same headline is way so offensive and I won’t read past it. That’s bo-shat and we all know it.

Britney With Baby—Say it Aint’ SO! – Putting this toothless crackmaster of the front picture like this is stupid. I know Davis and he doesn’t evn han the the money needed to nail the lowly likes of me and so even hinting he could hit the Britney is pathetic and wrong and ugly by miles.

Eat…Lick…Snort… F*ck…BRITNEY SPEARS! – The pug dog in the lead image is way unfair. She doesn’t hibbidy with wrinkled dudes, she does pop icons and off-hot Persian scammers with a good story. To even think it’s anything other than that is ten kidns of retarumous.

The Spears’, The Lohans, That Penis…Oh, Ick! – These jerks put a picture of Britney Spears up melded with a Koala or something which is way stupid. She’s not evn into bears but my friend Jon is but he’s cool don’t judge.

Britney Spears Loses Her Kids…But…WHERE? – This article attacks K-Fed even though he isn’t anything at all except because Britney dared to let him slime her internally whatever. K-Fed is awesome evn though Britney says no cuz he got to give her the baby rocking. I’m ready for babies and I’d take one from a bakcup guy like hizzim, so don’t trash until you know, you know?

Britney Spears Wanted in Murder of Her Career at 2007 VMA’s, Warrant Issued! – This is so much the Teh Stoopid. She rocked the VMAs not like 100% but she did it and she was there and she showed up and did her thing. You saw Chris Crockers pathetic tears and you know she’s really the victim in the whole thing. Somebody maybe dosed her and she was sure as hell tired cuz she works so much and so hard so leave her the hell alone.

Britney Spears is an Awesome Dancer and Looks Great! – In this one they called her a “hooker zombie” and tha’t isn’t cool. I saw Shawn of the Dead so I know what a hooker zombie lo

Hey Kevin, want to hear a funny story? Your mom called the other day, she was all torn up because you died. Yep, you were carjacked in South Central picking up an underage prostitute. Funny isn’t it? The story had me in stitches.

Might have read about your demise in the Los Angeles Times obituaries, but oh wait, you couldn’t because you were in Puerto Vallarta with your stupid whore wife and your four stupid whore wife’s kids who are also your damn kids. I knew you were incommunicado because I’ve been watching you. My new boyfriend Jason is an amateur private investigator, and he tracked your dumb ass down to the minute. Your mom died inside when she read your suicide note.

Oh yeah, you left a suicide note you drippy dickhead. Oh, drippy? Yes, I just got the results back. I’m not pregnant, but I am seeping from the seams, and I know it isn’t any of the other guys I’ve been with since we did it. All of them told me they were tested and clean, so it was obviously you, dummy. Jason, Dave, Tom, Howard, Ishmael, Rowan, Egy and Brennan were all way clean, and half of them didn’t even hit me in the front, so it was you and we both know it. I hope your stupid wife goes blind from your clap.

Call me when you get back, we need to talk and hang out if we can. I miss you honey. We can still be good for both of us.

Album: Greatest Hits: My Prerogative – Year: 2004

This song is all about venereal disease (sexually transmitted disease, STD or VD), and how it’s not a big deal. Obviously I’ve been with other guys and I don’t use condoms because they’re dumb and Britney doesn’t use them (two kids, hello!) so getting the random drip ain’t a biggy, just accept it, get the Amoxicillin and move on. Cool? Cool! Just do it like a Nike.

So let’s look at the lyrics and talk Toxic, she’s Britney bitch!

Baby, can’t you see (you can’t because it’s dark)

I’m calling (for you to come over, come under and come deep all up ins)

A guy like you

Should wear a warning (Mr. Yuk sticker)

It’s dangerous (cuz I didn’t know you were drippy on the tippy, dick!)

I’m fallin’ (cuz I’m syphilitic and infected)

There’s no escape (from your biotic infection, but it’s cool)

I can’t wait (even if I itch a bit)

I need a hit (of anything you got, maybe pills or whatever, maybe just your stuff and junk)

Baby, give me it (your ding dong dangly bits)

You’re dangerous (and I know it now, ten days later because you’re all junked up in the front)

I’m lovin’ it (for at least ten minutes at a blast)

Too high (never too high, this is a metaphorical thing or a simile like too high or something)

Can’t come down (but can come “on” if you know what I mean)

Losing my head (but you’ll lose your head as long as you lose it from me the right way, baby)

Spinning ‘round and ‘round (the way I get dizzy and twirley when I do what I do on you)

Do you feel me now (or will you be better to feel me later when I put my feel on you)

With a taste of your lips (even if it’s the backdoor lips)

I’m on a ride (if you know how I hop on the coaster)

You’re toxic I’m slipping under

With a taste of a poison paradise (that’s like the garden of Eden all messed up)

I’m addicted to you (because I’m a drip junky you was so hot but now I might hate you)

Don’t you know that you’re toxic (Seriously, maybe haven’t you been tested or anything?)

And I love what you do (with the way you rock it all up ins me)

Don’t you know that you’re toxic (seriously though, get tested sometimes or something)

It’s getting late (too late to hit the clinic, so it’s all good if you don’t f’ing lie to me)

To give you up (or me give it up to you)

I took a sip (from your tip)

From my devil’s cup (or the Beelzebub rim)

Slowly (or at any speed)

It’s taking over me (like you’re finishing all over me, so there you go)

Too high (or maybe barely just high enough. Britney doesn’t get too high, she gets maybe just barely high enough)

Can’t come down (which is Britney saying “come, come in”)

It’s in the air (your money shot)

And it’s all around (my hair, face, chest, and anywhere else you can spout it)

Can you feel me now (cuz I’m drenched in you which is awesome and I love it, but if you cross me I swear to Christ I’ll ruin your life)

With a taste of your lips, I’m on a ride (Coney Island or Pony Island, both work for me)

You’re toxic I’m slipping under (your body, face, whatever)

With a taste of a poison paradise (which is no biggy by me)

I’m addicted to you (like the manly, sick drug you are to me, daddy)

Don’t you know that you’re toxic (get checked)

And I love what you do (if you’re not still with your wife)

Don’t you know that you’re toxic (hit up the clinic and find out for sure cuz I got this from somewhere)

[Repeat Chorus]

Intoxicate me now (in private)

With your lovin’ now (or whatever you call it)

I think I’m ready now (cuz I think I’m old enough, no I KNOW I am)

I think I’m ready now (for serious)

Intoxicate me now (with whatever you got in your back pocket or hidden in your shoe)

With your lovin’ now (whatever you call it, honey daddy man)

I think I’m ready now (in the ways it matters)

This is the second part of my monotribe about how come, how much and way how deep I dig the awesomest, Spearest Britney. If you want to read the rest of it, CHECK HERE. This is how it goes, so check it.

Lots of people get all stupid saying her ways don’t work out, but they do. Britney is the most awesomest. Britney does everything right, even the things the stupid tabloids say she does wrong, and that’s dumb.

When she shaves her head, it’s not cuz she’s messed up, it’s cuz it’s hot here in So Cal. When she gets a tat, it’s cuz she wants to express her awesome-ass-self. When she marries her high school sweetheart, it ain’t cuz she thinks he’s the same Jason Alexander from Seinfeld, it’s her thing because she wants that ounce of beautiful, annullable love. She earned it, she got it, and it was a publicity boon for her poon and it sold her a million records.

Plus she got to have the sex with him in the sanctity of marriage (I don’t believe in it myself but if it’s your thing that’s cool) Think about it. She got to have sex inside of marriage for like fifteen hours in the good graces of that God guy, and she got a million bucks in free pube-lice-ity at the same time.

Way cool.

So why didn’t she show up in court? Why didn’t she show up in court like five times? It’s because she knows sutff, and she’s way powerful. She knows what’s going on and she’s got knowledge that the rest of us don’t get to know or have or stuff.

If Britney does it, she’s doing it right.

That smartass stupid ass judge doesn’t know what the hell. The judge doesn’t know what it’s all about. That stupid ass judge doesn’t know a damn thing. If miss judgeship knew the first damn thing about the life of Britney and what she does for the world, she would rule in favor of her every time.

WHY? B/CUZ Britney is the best, period, and I mean all-month-period; period.

She didn’t show up in court because she’s busy and a single mother. She showed up to court and left (twice or whatever) because she’s too on top of her game to face “the man”. I’ve been to court for whatever (total bullshizzle, it was a solicitation charge I plead down to trespassing but it was still a joke the guy who arrested me was one of my guys whatever.)

You try selling a million records a year and raising two flopped around kids as a divorced mother who loves the coke like everybody does. No biggy forget it right?

And don’t be like “oh she doesn’t even have custody of the kids” because that’s a sore subject with me, and it’s stupid because she’s obviously the best mom since her mom, right?

That stupid judge lady (or guy who cares) has never done anything Britney-worthy, so who does she think she is judging her? Britney only has to answer to God, and she will. Maybe soon but whatever.

(If you didn’t read the first part of this you should look around and find it because it makes more sense when you read all of it. It’s here on my site.)

Okay Kevin, I’ve tried to be civil about it but you haven’t got the message yet. Did you get the letter I sent? Oh you didn’t? That’s because I didn’t send it to you, I sent it to your stupid whore of a wife at the shelter where she volunteers. Yep, that’s where she got the letter from the CDC (Center for Disease Control, dumb ass) that says you have AIDS and it’s full blown. Any trouble at home last week? Maybe that’s why.

It’s not too late to fix things with me. We had a really nice night together, just as Britney said we would, so let’s build on that. Let that stupid harlot die in the ditch (I can help with that) and make a life together. I know you said you’re a record producer and I know you aren’t but you could be. Let’s get famous together.

Call me baby. Call me, and I’ll hear from you. You can NOT call me if you want, but either way you’re going to hear form me, OK?

Album: Blackout – Year: 2007

This song is about getting naked with a guy, girl or group, and that it’s totally okay, as long as you plan for it. You can plan it at the last minute if you want but as long as it’s a plan it’s super fine by Britney, and she knows everything there is to know because she’s very successful and everybody knows her and everybody loves her, even the people who say they’re sick of her and totally hate her, we know they love her, get real.

Yeah (She’s sez you can do whatever you want, ya!)

Sounds nice (Britney sounds nice and so duz whatev I do according to the gospel of Britney)

Ooh, yeah (Yep, that’s her saying yeah to what I say and she says)

I got a plan (that’s the one that says to get naked)

We can do it just what you wanted (the whole naked thing)

Baby, baby (try not to have a baby so maybe jump up and down after you do it)

As long as you wanna come with me (I think that means you jack you late, and that’s cool)

We can do it baby, baby (the preggo thing if you know what I mean)

I got a plan (to get naked but my other plan is plan B)

We can do it just what you wanted (even if you a freak I down with that)

Baby, baby

As long as you wanna come with me (with, in, on, over, under or throughout, you can come)

We can do it baby, baby (might be a stutter there)

My body is calling (it’s not like it was me that called 8-times it was my body, pick up the phone)

Out for you bad boy (I like bad boys better than good, and ugly uncles well enough too)

I get the feeling that (the feeling you’re going to give me)

Just wanna be with you (or whoever, you know?)

Baby I’m a freak (I’ve done it in a bunch of positions but I’m open to pretty much whatever)

And I don’t really give a damn (just be clean and not too married)

I’m crazy as a motherfricker (I think I am anywho but I’m willing to learn)

Put that on your man (I pretty sure by “that’ she means the pink kitty)

If you like what you see (my nudity)

And your curiosity (for my nudity)

Let your mind roam free (think about baseball while I’m rocking you)

Won’t you pay attention please? (but not too much cuz I know it will be over right away)

What I gotta do (Is get all naked)

To get you want my body (If a 40 year old is willing to lower himself to my teen body, cool)

Quarter past three (I think that’s a sexual position but I’m not positive)

Ready to leave the party? (If you get naked at the party a lot of cellphone videos gonna be on YouTube so cut it quick and get back to the pad even if it’s messy)

What you gonna do, do, do? (Valid question even if I stud-stud-studder)

I got a plan (to stalk you if you use me)

We can do it just what you wanted (even if it’s kooky or poo related)

What you gonna do, do, do?

Baby, baby

What you gonna do, do, do?

As long as you wanna come with me (not before, that don’t work for me)

What you gonna do, do, do?

We can do it baby, baby (if everything works out but maybe bring me some presents)

What you gonna do, do, do?

I got a plan (to go through your wallet while you’re in the bathroom to find out everything about you)

We can do it just what you wanted

What you gonna do, do, do? (and can you give me a couple online links so I can understand what it is before we do it?)

[repeat]

Get naked [8 times] (means she’s way serious)

Take it off [4 times] (four times mean you should only be wearing four things to take off, duh)

Get naked [3 more times, duh] (If you over dressed and you still have anything on, take it off, eve if it’s just socks or whatever but you don’t have to take socks off.)

I’m not ashamed of my beauty (cuz I know I’m way hot)

You can see what I got (if I can see yours and if you aren’t blind or something)

It sure will freak you out (you’ll stare at me when we’re both naked and all you’ll think is you might go to prison for real)

Imagine if I work it out (That lump in your chinos of course.)

If I get you… (the dot-dot-dot means something is implied and it’s that I might ruin your life)

You’re gonna lose your mind (and your rocks, if not your freedom, so don’t mess with me)

Better put it down (the money or booger sugar on the table baby)

You know should be around (no square cocks or anything, it’s got to be mostly round)

I can understand that you ain’t got plans (but we have to plan this, so I’ll do it)

But I just whatever you want

I can understand that you ain’t got plans (but you do now)

Ever you want, oh (think about what you want and let me know)

We got it (me and my girl Houston, she’s hot too and probably just as naked, most the time)

If you like what you see (which you do unless it’s rag week)

And your curiosity (which I just know you gots)

Let your mind roam free (free range minds are organic and better for the environment)

Won’t you pay attention please? (like, you know, look at me when I’m naked)

If you like what you see (my nudity)

And your curiosity (which is what you probably already have even before you see my action shots)

Let your mind roam free (in MY free range!)

Won’t you pay attention please? (and stop trying to grab for the stupid bong while we’re at it)

Get naked [three times] (getting nekkid three times is just about the minimum)

Would you mind? (say whatever you want but Britney is the messiah)

Get naked [5 times] (because five times is the bare, bear and barely bear minimum)

Now take it off, yeah (seriously)

Take it off [4 times] (take it off four times, seriously)

Get naked [4 times] (get naked one, twice, three times a lady but four times is Britney style)

Baby, take it off (Even if you’re just a baby you can so totally take it off)

I just wanna take it off [twice] (Maybe I’m allergic to my detergent but I so have to get these itchy clothes off of me)

Baby, take it off

I just wanna take it off [twice]

What you gonna do, do, do? (Saying “do” three times means you can “do” three guys or one guy three times or a combination that totals three which I have done. I’m not proud but I did get what I wanted so whatever)

I got a plan (to send pictures to your wife if you double cross me)

We can do it just what you wanted (like you said in your ad on Craig’s List)

What you gonna do, do, do? (Are you gonna do me three times? You better)

Baby, baby (I might have twins, they run in my family but not Britney’s so it just goes to prove she’s talking to me personally)

[Repeats a bunch of stuff a bunch of times because she can get away with it if that's what it takes to fill four minutes on the CD.]

So you know how it goes right? You do what you do and maybe when you do it, if you do it to the right people, it’s going to pay you like way hell, and I know my name is written in the book because at least two (okay, only two) ministers of the cloth have promised me His forgiveness and heavenly admission for the chowder I gobbled of them. Yeah, you read it, and it wasn’t just the sauce I got, they both gave me candy too, and I don’t just mean the man-candy.

I like drugs, and if you haven’t tried them you can’t know what I’m talking about but they are way unbelievable. Snort it or smoke it but don’t shoot it and believe me it’s the bitch teats and the living of life and it’s the best.

AND BRITNEY TOLED ME TO DO IT

She’s huffed the fumes of God, snorted Santa’s own candy and drunk deep enough to lose her kids Don’t try to pretend that girl doesn’t know how to party. She borrows phones from paparazzi to make private calls and she’s shaven her head twice, not to mention her kitty daily from puberty to today.

Bottom line is she’s partied it up like the rock star cock star she is, and she’s still on top of the world and the charts.

IT’S LIKE THEY SAY, ONLY USERS LOSE DRUGS

They like to say that only losers use drugs, but that’s stupid. So many rich people and successful artists, musicians and movie stars get in to the drugs, and they don’t lose out. They might say smarter that some drug users don’t lose more than other non drug users but who cares?

YOU EVER USED DRUGS???

Drugs are the best. They cost a lot, but if God didn’t want us to gobble them gone He wouldn’t have also given me my magic spot. It’s way expensive sometimes, but usually a quick party in the hills makes it free, and if it’s a Tuesday during the fall lineup, you can always hit the strip and you’re cool to make the random couple bucks it takes. I been not prostituting but meeting new guys who can gimme a buck or fifty for hanging out a bit and that’s empowering.

If it was wrong to do drugs, would Britney do it? NO! Don’t be stupid. She tells girls like me what to do (but she tells me personally because we’re friends, just check my MySpace stupid!)

No matter how crazy she gets she still gets her kids back on weekends. She doesn’t even have to take them on weekdays. She makes like $770,000 a month, even when she’s asleep or doped up at the VMAs, she only has to pay that Klingon K-Fed f’er a few ten thousands a month to watch the kids while she goes out and lives La Vida Loca (that’s Spanish for “the Vida Loca”) so she gets to do her thing and snort as mad as she wants.

Oh Britney, I miss you and I love you and you’re OK in my book. My book is getting longer by the day and you are super awesome in it. I’m not saying we kissed or anything but let’s hang.