Hey Kevvy baby, how are you today? I know you like being cared for and tended to, what with you being in the hospital all the time with old Ukrainian nurses waiting on you. They change your poo bags, but I’d do it too, and you’d get well quicker if you were in my care. Not just because I’d give you love in ways those Rusky hags can’t, but because I’d stop dripping arsenic in your pudding… yep, your pudding. Like that?
My new boyfriend Achmed works at the hospital, and for the all-time low price of once/weekly head he lets me drip a drop or three of rat poisoning in your breakfast every morning before the real security comes in. How do you feel about that? Are you throwing up because of regret, or because I’ve taken you to within an inch of your life?
By the way, your job is gone and your house is in foreclosure because the bank found out there’s no house there and the insurance won’t pay for it to be rebuilt because of the fraud you tried to commit by burning it down yourself. (Gosh, wonder who might have told Pemco Insurance that you torched it on purpose to get money out of it?)
Say the word and the misery ends, and you can say either word. Say yes and we can get back to our life together, the one where you tell me you love me and I call you daddy while you hit me from the back and pull my hair. Or say no and I’ll put that final dose in your applesauce tomorrow, and it will all be over. Totally your call “Kevin”.
Ha ha ha, not serious. This is just an analogy or simile or something. I’m not really trying to mess any guy up it’s just a story. His real name is Chris and he’s not at any hospital in Orange County right now. LOL it was just a joke. I’ll prolly delete this post cuz it was all a joke.
Call me tho, we can still be cool if you’re not mad. Even either way we can fix it. Think how kewl the makeup sex can be honey. I miss you and I love you and we’ll be together forever till death do us part. You just tell me when you wanna die and I’ll be there for you until then, even if it’s tomorrow. Do the right thing honey. I love you so much you just can’t understand it and I know you love me too. Call me, I miss you.
