It’s not too late to fix things with me. We had a really nice night together, just as Britney said we would, so let’s build on that. Let that stupid harlot die in the ditch (I can help with that) and make a life together. I know you said you’re a record producer and I know you aren’t but you could be. Let’s get famous together.

Call me baby. Call me, and I’ll hear from you. You can NOT call me if you want, but either way you’re going to hear form me, OK?

This song is about getting naked with a guy, girl or group, and that it’s totally okay, as long as you plan for it. You can plan it at the last minute if you want but as long as it’s a plan it’s super fine by Britney, and she knows everything there is to know because she’s very successful and everybody knows her and everybody loves her, even the people who say they’re sick of her and totally hate her, we know they love her, get real.

Yeah (She’s sez you can do whatever you want, ya!)

Sounds nice (Britney sounds nice and so duz whatev I do according to the gospel of Britney)

Ooh, yeah (Yep, that’s her saying yeah to what I say and she says)

I got a plan (that’s the one that says to get naked)

We can do it just what you wanted (the whole naked thing)

Baby, baby (try not to have a baby so maybe jump up and down after you do it)

As long as you wanna come with me (I think that means you jack you late, and that’s cool)

We can do it baby, baby (the preggo thing if you know what I mean)

I got a plan (to get naked but my other plan is plan B)

We can do it just what you wanted (even if you a freak I down with that)

Baby, baby

As long as you wanna come with me (with, in, on, over, under or throughout, you can come)

We can do it baby, baby (might be a stutter there)

My body is calling (it’s not like it was me that called 8-times it was my body, pick up the phone)

Out for you bad boy (I like bad boys better than good, and ugly uncles well enough too)

I get the feeling that (the feeling you’re going to give me)

Just wanna be with you (or whoever, you know?)

Baby I’m a freak (I’ve done it in a bunch of positions but I’m open to pretty much whatever)

And I don’t really give a damn (just be clean and not too married)

I’m crazy as a motherfricker (I think I am anywho but I’m willing to learn)

Put that on your man (I pretty sure by “that’ she means the pink kitty)

If you like what you see (my nudity)

And your curiosity (for my nudity)

Let your mind roam free (think about baseball while I’m rocking you)

Won’t you pay attention please? (but not too much cuz I know it will be over right away)

What I gotta do (Is get all naked)

To get you want my body (If a 40 year old is willing to lower himself to my teen body, cool)

Quarter past three (I think that’s a sexual position but I’m not positive)

Ready to leave the party? (If you get naked at the party a lot of cellphone videos gonna be on YouTube so cut it quick and get back to the pad even if it’s messy)

What you gonna do, do, do? (Valid question even if I stud-stud-studder)

I got a plan (to stalk you if you use me)

We can do it just what you wanted (even if it’s kooky or poo related)

What you gonna do, do, do?

Baby, baby

What you gonna do, do, do?

As long as you wanna come with me (not before, that don’t work for me)

What you gonna do, do, do?

We can do it baby, baby (if everything works out but maybe bring me some presents)

What you gonna do, do, do?

I got a plan (to go through your wallet while you’re in the bathroom to find out everything about you)

We can do it just what you wanted

What you gonna do, do, do? (and can you give me a couple online links so I can understand what it is before we do it?)

[repeat]

Get naked [8 times] (means she’s way serious)

Take it off [4 times] (four times mean you should only be wearing four things to take off, duh)

Get naked [3 more times, duh] (If you over dressed and you still have anything on, take it off, eve if it’s just socks or whatever but you don’t have to take socks off.)

I’m not ashamed of my beauty (cuz I know I’m way hot)

You can see what I got (if I can see yours and if you aren’t blind or something)

It sure will freak you out (you’ll stare at me when we’re both naked and all you’ll think is you might go to prison for real)

Imagine if I work it out (That lump in your chinos of course.)

If I get you… (the dot-dot-dot means something is implied and it’s that I might ruin your life)

You’re gonna lose your mind (and your rocks, if not your freedom, so don’t mess with me)

Better put it down (the money or booger sugar on the table baby)

You know should be around (no square cocks or anything, it’s got to be mostly round)

I can understand that you ain’t got plans (but we have to plan this, so I’ll do it)

But I just whatever you want

I can understand that you ain’t got plans (but you do now)

Ever you want, oh (think about what you want and let me know)

We got it (me and my girl Houston, she’s hot too and probably just as naked, most the time)

If you like what you see (which you do unless it’s rag week)

And your curiosity (which I just know you gots)

Let your mind roam free (free range minds are organic and better for the environment)

Won’t you pay attention please? (like, you know, look at me when I’m naked)

If you like what you see (my nudity)

And your curiosity (which is what you probably already have even before you see my action shots)

Let your mind roam free (in MY free range!)

Won’t you pay attention please? (and stop trying to grab for the stupid bong while we’re at it)

Get naked [three times] (getting nekkid three times is just about the minimum)

Would you mind? (say whatever you want but Britney is the messiah)

Get naked [5 times] (because five times is the bare, bear and barely bear minimum)

Now take it off, yeah (seriously)

Take it off [4 times] (take it off four times, seriously)

Get naked [4 times] (get naked one, twice, three times a lady but four times is Britney style)

Baby, take it off (Even if you’re just a baby you can so totally take it off)

I just wanna take it off [twice] (Maybe I’m allergic to my detergent but I so have to get these itchy clothes off of me)

Baby, take it off

I just wanna take it off [twice]

What you gonna do, do, do? (Saying “do” three times means you can “do” three guys or one guy three times or a combination that totals three which I have done. I’m not proud but I did get what I wanted so whatever)

I got a plan (to send pictures to your wife if you double cross me)

We can do it just what you wanted (like you said in your ad on Craig’s List)

What you gonna do, do, do? (Are you gonna do me three times? You better)

Baby, baby (I might have twins, they run in my family but not Britney’s so it just goes to prove she’s talking to me personally)

[Repeats a bunch of stuff a bunch of times because she can get away with it if that’s what it takes to fill four minutes on the CD.]

I like drugs, and if you haven’t tried them you can’t know what I’m talking about but they are way unbelievable. Snort it or smoke it but don’t shoot it and believe me it’s the bitch teats and the living of life and it’s the best.

AND BRITNEY TOLED ME TO DO IT

She’s huffed the fumes of God, snorted Santa’s own candy and drunk deep enough to lose her kids Don’t try to pretend that girl doesn’t know how to party. She borrows phones from paparazzi to make private calls and she’s shaven her head twice, not to mention her kitty daily from puberty to today.

Bottom line is she’s partied it up like the rock star cock star she is, and she’s still on top of the world and the charts.

IT’S LIKE THEY SAY, ONLY USERS LOSE DRUGS

They like to say that only losers use drugs, but that’s stupid. So many rich people and successful artists, musicians and movie stars get in to the drugs, and they don’t lose out. They might say smarter that some drug users don’t lose more than other non drug users but who cares?

YOU EVER USED DRUGS???

Drugs are the best. They cost a lot, but if God didn’t want us to gobble them gone He wouldn’t have also given me my magic spot. It’s way expensive sometimes, but usually a quick party in the hills makes it free, and if it’s a Tuesday during the fall lineup, you can always hit the strip and you’re cool to make the random couple bucks it takes. I been not prostituting but meeting new guys who can gimme a buck or fifty for hanging out a bit and that’s empowering.

If it was wrong to do drugs, would Britney do it? NO! Don’t be stupid. She tells girls like me what to do (but she tells me personally because we’re friends, just check my MySpace stupid!)

No matter how crazy she gets she still gets her kids back on weekends. She doesn’t even have to take them on weekdays. She makes like $770,000 a month, even when she’s asleep or doped up at the VMAs, she only has to pay that Klingon K-Fed f’er a few ten thousands a month to watch the kids while she goes out and lives La Vida Loca (that’s Spanish for “the Vida Loca”) so she gets to do her thing and snort as mad as she wants.

Oh Britney, I miss you and I love you and you’re OK in my book. My book is getting longer by the day and you are super awesome in it. I’m not saying we kissed or anything but let’s hang.

I’m on the younger side and I don’t have any kids of my own but that so doesn’t matter. I learned all my brain can hold from the best mom this side of San Diego, and she tells me stuff so I know what’s really real and going on.

So you know how it goes right? You do what you do and maybe when you do it, if you do it to the right reasons. I don’t care, and don’t comment on this just read.

Some kids is mature and some adults wear diapers so don’t be too quick to judge just do your best. Don’t spank kids but spank men, but only when they ask for it (and really mean it for reals, Nt my thing but some guys get mad on it so it can’t all be bad.)

Don’t sweat car seats:

When you was kids you didn’t have car seats. My mom told me there were like six of them in the back seat running around and they all did good except uncle Denny who lost that weird eye in a fender bender. Creepy eye, needed to be lost, doesn’t matter. Britney got busted by the photographers for not having kids in car seats but they’re all still OK today so it worked out fine didn’t it?

Let the dad take them sometimes:

Britney proved this better than anybody. She still gets her kids even today but she doesn’t have to hire a babysitter to watch them as long as she’s got that sucky backup singer/dad to sit around and keep them in the binkies while she lives it up at the clubs with other guys. Do that, it’s super healthy.

Pay almost no child support:

If you can’t get a man to pay the child support, but he’ll take the kids all the time, you gotta pay him, but you don’t gotta pay him much. Britney makes $800,000 a month, but she pays K-Fed like $20,000 per kid. Yah he’s getting good money but it’s nothing. It’s pennies on her way mad dollars and no looking back. If you’re on welfare and make $400 a month, tell the judge you’ll pay $10 a month, it’s the same thing You’re the mom, you’ll prolly get it.

Smoke if you’re rich:

Nothing prettier than a young, beautiful corpse. To hell with dying old, go out with a bang and call it good. Smoking is so sweet with the sticky tar that powder coats your lungs with love, and it feels good too and looks cool. If you are a mom and want to smoke, do it, nobody is going to stop you even if you have like wicked asthma.

But how do you know you’re ready to have that kid?

You got a man who wants to do it in you, you’re ready aren’t you? Jerkfricks said Britney wasn’t ready but she’s the best mom this side of the mountains. You have a burn to get a baby (not other burns, those might be a problem) then you ready.

I got fuzzy and dudes got all kinds of creeped out and I was in no place to understand the damn thing. It killed me cuz I didn’t do anything wrong and I was still scrubbing my under-crotch as thorough as ever but it wasn’t about that.

So how come my Y-stretch wasn’t commanding the same money as before? More than not commanding it some of my best dads disappeared on me and my referrals dropped off stupid big like nobody’s business, sure as hell not my business and Joey was still asking me for his cut even though I didn’t have the money to pay him from. He only took most of it so him asking for money I didn’t have just about snuffed me into film.

Lucky for me, I called and called to talk to my best girl Britney. She didn’t answer of course (she’s way too busy as usual) but she did give me a sign. Few days later she went into the tabloids with a full va-jay-jay shine and I understood.

She’s so much older than me, she has to be in puertown by now, so she must be shaving, so I tried it myself. I didn’t know what I was doing so I bled like I did on my first adult month except from my outside area. I thought about it, weighed it (didn’t weigh my labialips or anything, I’m just saying I didn’t weight my options as much but I did.) No worries, I looked at my girl Britney (saw her clammy toes and read the message) and fingered out what she’s all about and took it into and onto myself.

So I flicked m Bic and cut the piney woods back to new growth and my money went right back through the roof, and God smiled upon my smile and saw that it was goooood.

If you have a Va-Kitty and wanna consider your mufferous status, look at the jammy camel of Britney in any of your favorite tabloids and recognize the message. She says you gotta trim it down and make it pretty as a bizzle, and you can make more money, get more men to love it better (without throat floss embarrassment) and make men munch your muff with unbelievable fury and fervor, trim that kitty like it’s about to get fixed.

That’s why I trim the SZ out of my F’ing C-spot (or G-Spot, but I haven’t found that just yet. I will tho, I swear.)

I’m 14 years old, I live on my own (yeah, you read it, I’m an indipendint woman) and I’ve been holding my own since I was 11. Know it’s messed but it’s what the cards that God gave me. Just proves he’s a dick but I still pray to him (or at least call out his name when the mood moves me if you no what I mean.)

I live in Longbeach Cali, usually pretty close to the beach but sometimes pretty far out. My home goes in an out with the tides (or other things that go in and out, but whavev!)

And if you wanna know something about me you have to know I AM BRITNEY SPEARS FREAK!

We are friends, kind of but not close. She gives me advice and helps me no how to live my life, and tho she’s got some trouble I still love her and I’m there for her too. If anything happened to her I would so be there for her and she has to know that. I’m not on voice dial maybe but still.

Tho this site is all and way about Britney I can’t say she officially endorses it. Sure she’s my girl and I love her but it’s prolly the lawyer guys that keep us apart. No thang. You know she totally would approve it if she wasn’t all 5150′d in the hospital (total BS, she’s not crazy).

I can be your baby girl. Let’s just do this. Leave your damn wife and let’s get real with our future

[Spoken]It’s Britney Bitch (It is so you better recognize how great she is)
I see you, (She knows me, she sees me, she gets me)
And I just wanna dance with you (Powerful women can empower themselves by stripping)

Every time they turn the lights down (in the strip club, natch)
Just wanna go that extra mile for you (it’s a good way to make money if you do the extra stuff)
Public display of affection (a strip club is a public place, yo!)
Feels like no one else in the room but you (I know from Britney and my girl Houston that you say this stuff to make the guy feel special and pay you top bucks.)

[Bridge:]
We can get down like there’s no one around (in the VIP area or champagne room for the right price)
We keep on rocking, we keep on rockin’ (that’s later when the money is right and you wanna)
Cameras are flashing while we’re dirty dancing (it’s OK to do porn if the money is right)
They keep watching, keep watchin’ (on live webcam or in a member ship web site)
Feels like the crowd was saying

[Chorus:]
Gimme Gimme more (Money)
Gimme more (respect too becuz I’m not just meat)
Gimme gimme more [x4] (saying it 4 times means it’s totally true)

The center of attention, even when we’re up against the wall (in the strip club)
You got me in a crazy position (uh huh) (you should see the moves I’ve learned and you can for cash)
If you’re on a mission (ooh) (missionary position or mission to finish yourself off in the bathroom)
You got my permission oh (since your cash is green, my pink is mean)

[Bridge]
[Chorus (x4)] (Just proves how serious she is about this)

[Spoken]
I just can’t control myself, more (but I can control you and sometimes I can’t control myself because I might be late for work or get too jacked to do the job right)
They want more? (it’s a retortical question, of course they do)
Well I’ll give them more, ow! (The ow means sometimes it hurts but you still have to do it if you gonna get the money to your landlady or boyfriend)

[Chorus (x4)] (She’s way serious about it)

Gimme more gimme more
Gimme more gimme more babe (calling dudes babe makes the tips come rolling in)
I just want more (money, clothes, nose candy and whatever you got)

Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme [x4] (Filler, really, but she totally owned the song so it’s way OK)

Date the Richest:

Find somebody who makes good money, even that Osama “Sam” joker from the paparazzi and latch on for dear life. He had o-dark-cool money and him keeping her the top of tabloidlines was perfect. He brught pills to the table (all over the table, according to some reports) but what he really did was sell more records, and she took it. Big money is big money baby.

It’s like that guy Jake I dated for a while. He had a good job and bought me all kinds of clothes and took me out to dinner all the time. I got some jewelry and found out he was married. Whatever, I knew we didn’t have a future and I made even more money once I fingered it out so he paid me to keep my mouth shut (for the fist time since we were dating) and it’s all good.

Date the Hottest:

If you have a K-Fed (yuk) or J-Timb (yummy gay) on the hook, take that John money and pay it to get the real rocks off on the sly all you got to. What would you pay to have a guy like Justin, even if he is as queer as Lance Bass? A lot, that’s how much. Get that action when it happens. Date hot, date heavy, and pay what you have to. No big whatever. Think of it as an investment

Snort the Sweetest:

If you’ve got a line in front of you, doesn’t matter who bought it, harf it up and quick too. What else do you want me to say about this?

Be Responsable:

If you have kid you have to be a good person. If you have a job you should go sometimes. If you have an old aunt that never had kids you need to be there so she knows you’re all about her (or her estate LOL!) so don’t ruin the good things you have going.

Live it large, live it crizzazy!:

Don’t sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things. ROFLCOPTER!ELENTYONE!ONE!EXCLAMAIONTPOINT?) Do what you do, do it on the sly if you can, but if you can’t then you’s better does it on page one, am I right?

Cornclusion:

I conclude. Jess that and that’s that. You read it. You need more than read it again.

He was old and not too gross or anything. He’s like 40 something (he said he was 35 but I later found out that isn’t true) and he said he was a record producer. I sing so it worked out good but I should have figured it out when I got in his 1996 Mazda 626 that something was wrong. Record producers drive Escalades, right? They so do, not old busted Japacrap, am I right?

Anyways I let him snack on my biscuit and I totaled mowed on him too but he never gave me his phone number or anything and he tried to disappear. Nice try Kevin “Moe Townsend” Waterston from Seal Beach, I know who you really are you bastard. You don’t let me into your life because I know you’re married, so you want to dance with this devil, let’s play baby, I got anger on tap for you byotch!

Since my new guy friend fingerd out where he lives I went to his house and banged on his windows, but then somebody turned lights on and I went next door and hid. The damn 5-0 came out in like a minute so I had to hide in the neighbors bushes in the backyard for like three hours until I thought they were gone. Made out like nothing, so F U Kevin, I’m watching you and your damn wife and kids. I swear to God you’re going down, so let us hope nothing bad happens to your car or house or anything, you know?