When I was a kid and going to school, where I learned some really smart things about life and whatever, I decided that I already fingered out everything I needed to know about the public school system. From there I called it a day, but I left all that and learned the rest from the streets and by studying Britney Spears lyrics intimately. We’re friends you know already and she’s my best girl in every way so she’s done more for me as an empowered and powerful woman as anything you could imagine.

Before my girl came along it was all about the whole Choon and Word Coleaver thing (only heard about it, not totally sure what it means but it’s real) but I know what holesome family values are, and I know it super perfect because I got the hole of the holesome so shut up and listen, yeah?

Britney did some great stuff for us, most of it through her music. Don’t hate, just read.

Listen to her music, look at her awesome baby sis, and check it all out, we’ve got some great stuff going on here, there’s nothing wrong with sexuality as it is, you just have to be smart about it right. And check it out.

This is the whole message, teenage sexuality is perfectly normal.

Back in the day we all died at 25 or so, and we all had to cram in all our living before then. Surely you can agree that sitting down at a desk to work a life is unhealthy (I’ve hooked up with enough Dilberts to swear this it the real deal) so don’t be icky about it.

Anywhatever, who cares, whatever, check it out. Preteen sex is way old. Even the virgin Mary was a teeny, and a hotty hot enough to hit the hotspot of God himself, so don’t get all uptight about it. I’ll get into why I shear my crotch-hedge soon enough, but either way, you just gotta know that it’s all about me growing up and moving on which I did and it was fantastic.

Loved it, loved it, loved it, and believe me, I did more than my fair share of side-projects (with guys who didn’t pencil out as much as they penciled in, if you get my meaning).

Whatever Britney does, we can all do, and believe you me, I’ve done them my own self like nobodies business, except for maybe the business of my old man Jayreece, who liked to take a cut off my stuff whatever for years at least.

In the press Britney appears to be serial monogamous, but she’s way more freaky than that, in case you’re dumb or or some kind of L, G or R-Tard.

All that’s good enough so let’s talk all over the threesome, or like I like to call it, the triple-rich triple gang, gangbang.

I’m not a slut, don’t judge me. You can’t get that right.

So I been in bunch of threesomes and you can too!

What you have to do is make sure you’re slusterlove is right for you. You’re a girl so make sure it’s two girls and a guy or (if you can make it happen) two girls and that guy (you might have to bring your own girls, so make sure your wing matron is up for it before you bring her out.)

If it’s three girls, you have to go back to that commercial on TV I never saw from the 60s where the old lady that died asked “Where’s the beef?” Seriously though, where’s the sausage? Answer me that before doing the three girl thing, and make sure that a camera is rolling you get paid the webcast bonus for it. For real, that’s where the money is for real. At least some goodies for way sure.

Guys don’t like the two dude thing, but it’s where it’s at. It’s how we do the hold shish kabob business and how you get the glory of unholy stabbing from two or more ends at a time. If this is what you’re all about, and if you aren’t, think about it because it doubles your odds of landing a man for keeps, so there you go.

You know Britney has done it more times than the Paparazzo can even dream to shoot, so don’t feel like you’re getting nastier than her, so just make that bizzle work and make that magic happen all deep in your sticky girl spot and move on.

So it’s like way dumb and I never should have but one day I was wandering the streets near the room I stole to live in and I met a guy who was super nice and gave me a killer hot lunch and he offered me some company and I would have been a bizzle to say no so I said maybe.

He wasn’t a bad guy and I still say that today. He wasn’t a creepy guy he said him and his wife wanted to help me out and be good people to me and they were. I came to his home and she was there waiting for me with a homemade dinner and a hot bath. I didn’t get my clothes back for a long time but it kind of worked out because they were so nice to me.

My parents were always way high and punching me in the face and ribs but these people were so different they loved all over me nad gave me hugs and made my life feel complete.

Thank you Donald and Maria, you guys were always good to me and I will never forget you and I’ll always have a special place for you in a place where you’ve always been, somewhere inside me.

So you know, that’s kind of that. Post comments and replies after this post and we’ll talk about it from there if you know what I mean.

So you know how it goes right? You do what you do and maybe when you do it, if you do it to the right people, it’s going to pay you like way hell, and I know my name is written in the book because at least two (okay, only two) ministers of the cloth have promised me His forgiveness and heavenly admission for the chowder I gobbled of them. Yeah, you read it, and it wasn’t just the sauce I got, they both gave me candy too, and I don’t just mean the man-candy.

I like drugs, and if you haven’t tried them you can’t know what I’m talking about but they are way unbelievable. Snort it or smoke it but don’t shoot it and believe me it’s the bitch teats and the living of life and it’s the best.

AND BRITNEY TOLED ME TO DO IT

She’s huffed the fumes of God, snorted Santa’s own candy and drunk deep enough to lose her kids Don’t try to pretend that girl doesn’t know how to party. She borrows phones from paparazzi to make private calls and she’s shaven her head twice, not to mention her kitty daily from puberty to today.

Bottom line is she’s partied it up like the rock star cock star she is, and she’s still on top of the world and the charts.

IT’S LIKE THEY SAY, ONLY USERS LOSE DRUGS

They like to say that only losers use drugs, but that’s stupid. So many rich people and successful artists, musicians and movie stars get in to the drugs, and they don’t lose out. They might say smarter that some drug users don’t lose more than other non drug users but who cares?

YOU EVER USED DRUGS???

Drugs are the best. They cost a lot, but if God didn’t want us to gobble them gone He wouldn’t have also given me my magic spot. It’s way expensive sometimes, but usually a quick party in the hills makes it free, and if it’s a Tuesday during the fall lineup, you can always hit the strip and you’re cool to make the random couple bucks it takes. I been not prostituting but meeting new guys who can gimme a buck or fifty for hanging out a bit and that’s empowering.

If it was wrong to do drugs, would Britney do it? NO! Don’t be stupid. She tells girls like me what to do (but she tells me personally because we’re friends, just check my MySpace stupid!)

No matter how crazy she gets she still gets her kids back on weekends. She doesn’t even have to take them on weekdays. She makes like $770,000 a month, even when she’s asleep or doped up at the VMAs, she only has to pay that Klingon K-Fed f’er a few ten thousands a month to watch the kids while she goes out and lives La Vida Loca (that’s Spanish for “the Vida Loca”) so she gets to do her thing and snort as mad as she wants.

Oh Britney, I miss you and I love you and you’re OK in my book. My book is getting longer by the day and you are super awesome in it. I’m not saying we kissed or anything but let’s hang.

Check it out, you got kids, and that’s your thang. Maybe your religion said you couldn’t abort them or stuff or maybe you thought the guy would stick around and that’s crazy cuz they never do. Whatever, you’re a mom now and you got screamers in tow to take care of so here is my advice on how to do it.

I’m on the younger side and I don’t have any kids of my own but that so doesn’t matter. I learned all my brain can hold from the best mom this side of San Diego, and she tells me stuff so I know what’s really real and going on.

So you know how it goes right? You do what you do and maybe when you do it, if you do it to the right reasons. I don’t care, and don’t comment on this just read.

Some kids is mature and some adults wear diapers so don’t be too quick to judge just do your best. Don’t spank kids but spank men, but only when they ask for it (and really mean it for reals, Nt my thing but some guys get mad on it so it can’t all be bad.)

Don’t sweat car seats:

When you was kids you didn’t have car seats. My mom told me there were like six of them in the back seat running around and they all did good except uncle Denny who lost that weird eye in a fender bender. Creepy eye, needed to be lost, doesn’t matter. Britney got busted by the photographers for not having kids in car seats but they’re all still OK today so it worked out fine didn’t it?

Let the dad take them sometimes:

Britney proved this better than anybody. She still gets her kids even today but she doesn’t have to hire a babysitter to watch them as long as she’s got that sucky backup singer/dad to sit around and keep them in the binkies while she lives it up at the clubs with other guys. Do that, it’s super healthy.

Pay almost no child support:

If you can’t get a man to pay the child support, but he’ll take the kids all the time, you gotta pay him, but you don’t gotta pay him much. Britney makes $800,000 a month, but she pays K-Fed like $20,000 per kid. Yah he’s getting good money but it’s nothing. It’s pennies on her way mad dollars and no looking back. If you’re on welfare and make $400 a month, tell the judge you’ll pay $10 a month, it’s the same thing You’re the mom, you’ll prolly get it.

Smoke if you’re rich:

Nothing prettier than a young, beautiful corpse. To hell with dying old, go out with a bang and call it good. Smoking is so sweet with the sticky tar that powder coats your lungs with love, and it feels good too and looks cool. If you are a mom and want to smoke, do it, nobody is going to stop you even if you have like wicked asthma.

But how do you know you’re ready to have that kid?

You got a man who wants to do it in you, you’re ready aren’t you? Jerkfricks said Britney wasn’t ready but she’s the best mom this side of the mountains. You have a burn to get a baby (not other burns, those might be a problem) then you ready.

I been on the streets since pretty much I don’t know how long and I had some pretty good guys spotting me when I was super young. Nice guys, mostly AA dudes and that’s cool, but I learned from about the time I grew some grass on the field that having grass on the field is no way to play the game.

I got fuzzy and dudes got all kinds of creeped out and I was in no place to understand the damn thing. It killed me cuz I didn’t do anything wrong and I was still scrubbing my under-crotch as thorough as ever but it wasn’t about that.

So how come my Y-stretch wasn’t commanding the same money as before? More than not commanding it some of my best dads disappeared on me and my referrals dropped off stupid big like nobody’s business, sure as hell not my business and Joey was still asking me for his cut even though I didn’t have the money to pay him from. He only took most of it so him asking for money I didn’t have just about snuffed me into film.

Lucky for me, I called and called to talk to my best girl Britney. She didn’t answer of course (she’s way too busy as usual) but she did give me a sign. Few days later she went into the tabloids with a full va-jay-jay shine and I understood.

She’s so much older than me, she has to be in puertown by now, so she must be shaving, so I tried it myself. I didn’t know what I was doing so I bled like I did on my first adult month except from my outside area. I thought about it, weighed it (didn’t weigh my labialips or anything, I’m just saying I didn’t weight my options as much but I did.) No worries, I looked at my girl Britney (saw her clammy toes and read the message) and fingered out what she’s all about and took it into and onto myself.

So I flicked m Bic and cut the piney woods back to new growth and my money went right back through the roof, and God smiled upon my smile and saw that it was goooood.

If you have a Va-Kitty and wanna consider your mufferous status, look at the jammy camel of Britney in any of your favorite tabloids and recognize the message. She says you gotta trim it down and make it pretty as a bizzle, and you can make more money, get more men to love it better (without throat floss embarrassment) and make men munch your muff with unbelievable fury and fervor, trim that kitty like it’s about to get fixed.

That’s why I trim the SZ out of my F’ing C-spot (or G-Spot, but I haven’t found that just yet. I will tho, I swear.)

I know what’s the what-what and Britney told me so I so know it’s all kinds of good. My life isn’t so different from Britney Spears, and I know because she talks to me and we work it out and I get by from it all.

Date the Richest:

Find somebody who makes good money, even that Osama “Sam” joker from the paparazzi and latch on for dear life. He had o-dark-cool money and him keeping her the top of tabloidlines was perfect. He brught pills to the table (all over the table, according to some reports) but what he really did was sell more records, and she took it. Big money is big money baby.

It’s like that guy Jake I dated for a while. He had a good job and bought me all kinds of clothes and took me out to dinner all the time. I got some jewelry and found out he was married. Whatever, I knew we didn’t have a future and I made even more money once I fingered it out so he paid me to keep my mouth shut (for the fist time since we were dating) and it’s all good.

Date the Hottest:

If you have a K-Fed (yuk) or J-Timb (yummy gay) on the hook, take that John money and pay it to get the real rocks off on the sly all you got to. What would you pay to have a guy like Justin, even if he is as queer as Lance Bass? A lot, that’s how much. Get that action when it happens. Date hot, date heavy, and pay what you have to. No big whatever. Think of it as an investment

Snort the Sweetest:

If you’ve got a line in front of you, doesn’t matter who bought it, harf it up and quick too. What else do you want me to say about this?

Be Responsable:

If you have kid you have to be a good person. If you have a job you should go sometimes. If you have an old aunt that never had kids you need to be there so she knows you’re all about her (or her estate LOL!) so don’t ruin the good things you have going.

Live it large, live it crizzazy!:

Don’t sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things. ROFLCOPTER!ELENTYONE!ONE!EXCLAMAIONTPOINT?) Do what you do, do it on the sly if you can, but if you can’t then you’s better does it on page one, am I right?

Cornclusion:

I conclude. Jess that and that’s that. You read it. You need more than read it again.