This is the second part of my monotribe about how come, how much and way how deep I dig the awesomest, Spearest Britney. If you want to read the rest of it, CHECK HERE. This is how it goes, so check it.

Lots of people get all stupid saying her ways don’t work out, but they do. Britney is the most awesomest. Britney does everything right, even the things the stupid tabloids say she does wrong, and that’s dumb.

When she shaves her head, it’s not cuz she’s messed up, it’s cuz it’s hot here in So Cal. When she gets a tat, it’s cuz she wants to express her awesome-ass-self. When she marries her high school sweetheart, it ain’t cuz she thinks he’s the same Jason Alexander from Seinfeld, it’s her thing because she wants that ounce of beautiful, annullable love. She earned it, she got it, and it was a publicity boon for her poon and it sold her a million records.

Plus she got to have the sex with him in the sanctity of marriage (I don’t believe in it myself but if it’s your thing that’s cool) Think about it. She got to have sex inside of marriage for like fifteen hours in the good graces of that God guy, and she got a million bucks in free pube-lice-ity at the same time.

Way cool.

So why didn’t she show up in court? Why didn’t she show up in court like five times? It’s because she knows sutff, and she’s way powerful. She knows what’s going on and she’s got knowledge that the rest of us don’t get to know or have or stuff.

If Britney does it, she’s doing it right.

That smartass stupid ass judge doesn’t know what the hell. The judge doesn’t know what it’s all about. That stupid ass judge doesn’t know a damn thing. If miss judgeship knew the first damn thing about the life of Britney and what she does for the world, she would rule in favor of her every time.

WHY? B/CUZ Britney is the best, period, and I mean all-month-period; period.

She didn’t show up in court because she’s busy and a single mother. She showed up to court and left (twice or whatever) because she’s too on top of her game to face “the man”. I’ve been to court for whatever (total bullshizzle, it was a solicitation charge I plead down to trespassing but it was still a joke the guy who arrested me was one of my guys whatever.)

You try selling a million records a year and raising two flopped around kids as a divorced mother who loves the coke like everybody does. No biggy forget it right?

And don’t be like “oh she doesn’t even have custody of the kids” because that’s a sore subject with me, and it’s stupid because she’s obviously the best mom since her mom, right?

That stupid judge lady (or guy who cares) has never done anything Britney-worthy, so who does she think she is judging her? Britney only has to answer to God, and she will. Maybe soon but whatever.

(If you didn’t read the first part of this you should look around and find it because it makes more sense when you read all of it. It’s here on my site.)

Okay Kevin, I’ve tried to be civil about it but you haven’t got the message yet. Did you get the letter I sent? Oh you didn’t? That’s because I didn’t send it to you, I sent it to your stupid whore of a wife at the shelter where she volunteers. Yep, that’s where she got the letter from the CDC (Center for Disease Control, dumb ass) that says you have AIDS and it’s full blown. Any trouble at home last week? Maybe that’s why.

It’s not too late to fix things with me. We had a really nice night together, just as Britney said we would, so let’s build on that. Let that stupid harlot die in the ditch (I can help with that) and make a life together. I know you said you’re a record producer and I know you aren’t but you could be. Let’s get famous together.

Call me baby. Call me, and I’ll hear from you. You can NOT call me if you want, but either way you’re going to hear form me, OK?

Album: Blackout - Year: 2007

This song is about getting naked with a guy, girl or group, and that it’s totally okay, as long as you plan for it. You can plan it at the last minute if you want but as long as it’s a plan it’s super fine by Britney, and she knows everything there is to know because she’s very successful and everybody knows her and everybody loves her, even the people who say they’re sick of her and totally hate her, we know they love her, get real.

Yeah (She’s sez you can do whatever you want, ya!)

Sounds nice (Britney sounds nice and so duz whatev I do according to the gospel of Britney)

Ooh, yeah (Yep, that’s her saying yeah to what I say and she says)

I got a plan (that’s the one that says to get naked)

We can do it just what you wanted (the whole naked thing)

Baby, baby (try not to have a baby so maybe jump up and down after you do it)

As long as you wanna come with me (I think that means you jack you late, and that’s cool)

We can do it baby, baby (the preggo thing if you know what I mean)

I got a plan (to get naked but my other plan is plan B)

We can do it just what you wanted (even if you a freak I down with that)

Baby, baby

As long as you wanna come with me (with, in, on, over, under or throughout, you can come)

We can do it baby, baby (might be a stutter there)

My body is calling (it’s not like it was me that called 8-times it was my body, pick up the phone)

Out for you bad boy (I like bad boys better than good, and ugly uncles well enough too)

I get the feeling that (the feeling you’re going to give me)

Just wanna be with you (or whoever, you know?)

Baby I’m a freak (I’ve done it in a bunch of positions but I’m open to pretty much whatever)

And I don’t really give a damn (just be clean and not too married)

I’m crazy as a motherfricker (I think I am anywho but I’m willing to learn)

Put that on your man (I pretty sure by “that’ she means the pink kitty)

If you like what you see (my nudity)

And your curiosity (for my nudity)

Let your mind roam free (think about baseball while I’m rocking you)

Won’t you pay attention please? (but not too much cuz I know it will be over right away)

What I gotta do (Is get all naked)

To get you want my body (If a 40 year old is willing to lower himself to my teen body, cool)

Quarter past three (I think that’s a sexual position but I’m not positive)

Ready to leave the party? (If you get naked at the party a lot of cellphone videos gonna be on YouTube so cut it quick and get back to the pad even if it’s messy)

What you gonna do, do, do? (Valid question even if I stud-stud-studder)

I got a plan (to stalk you if you use me)

We can do it just what you wanted (even if it’s kooky or poo related)

What you gonna do, do, do?

Baby, baby

What you gonna do, do, do?

As long as you wanna come with me (not before, that don’t work for me)

What you gonna do, do, do?

We can do it baby, baby (if everything works out but maybe bring me some presents)

What you gonna do, do, do?

I got a plan (to go through your wallet while you’re in the bathroom to find out everything about you)

We can do it just what you wanted

What you gonna do, do, do? (and can you give me a couple online links so I can understand what it is before we do it?)

[repeat]

Get naked [8 times] (means she’s way serious)

Take it off [4 times] (four times mean you should only be wearing four things to take off, duh)

Get naked [3 more times, duh] (If you over dressed and you still have anything on, take it off, eve if it’s just socks or whatever but you don’t have to take socks off.)

I’m not ashamed of my beauty (cuz I know I’m way hot)

You can see what I got (if I can see yours and if you aren’t blind or something)

It sure will freak you out (you’ll stare at me when we’re both naked and all you’ll think is you might go to prison for real)

Imagine if I work it out (That lump in your chinos of course.)

If I get you… (the dot-dot-dot means something is implied and it’s that I might ruin your life)

You’re gonna lose your mind (and your rocks, if not your freedom, so don’t mess with me)

Better put it down (the money or booger sugar on the table baby)

You know should be around (no square cocks or anything, it’s got to be mostly round)

I can understand that you ain’t got plans (but we have to plan this, so I’ll do it)

But I just whatever you want

I can understand that you ain’t got plans (but you do now)

Ever you want, oh (think about what you want and let me know)

We got it (me and my girl Houston, she’s hot too and probably just as naked, most the time)

If you like what you see (which you do unless it’s rag week)

And your curiosity (which I just know you gots)

Let your mind roam free (free range minds are organic and better for the environment)

Won’t you pay attention please? (like, you know, look at me when I’m naked)

If you like what you see (my nudity)

And your curiosity (which is what you probably already have even before you see my action shots)

Let your mind roam free (in MY free range!)

Won’t you pay attention please? (and stop trying to grab for the stupid bong while we’re at it)

Get naked [three times] (getting nekkid three times is just about the minimum)

Would you mind? (say whatever you want but Britney is the messiah)

Get naked [5 times] (because five times is the bare, bear and barely bear minimum)

Now take it off, yeah (seriously)

Take it off [4 times] (take it off four times, seriously)

Get naked [4 times] (get naked one, twice, three times a lady but four times is Britney style)

Baby, take it off (Even if you’re just a baby you can so totally take it off)

I just wanna take it off [twice] (Maybe I’m allergic to my detergent but I so have to get these itchy clothes off of me)

Baby, take it off

I just wanna take it off [twice]

What you gonna do, do, do? (Saying “do” three times means you can “do” three guys or one guy three times or a combination that totals three which I have done. I’m not proud but I did get what I wanted so whatever)

I got a plan (to send pictures to your wife if you double cross me)

We can do it just what you wanted (like you said in your ad on Craig’s List)

What you gonna do, do, do? (Are you gonna do me three times? You better)

Baby, baby (I might have twins, they run in my family but not Britney’s so it just goes to prove she’s talking to me personally)

[Repeats a bunch of stuff a bunch of times because she can get away with it if that’s what it takes to fill four minutes on the CD.]

So you know how it goes right? You do what you do and maybe when you do it, if you do it to the right people, it’s going to pay you like way hell, and I know my name is written in the book because at least two (okay, only two) ministers of the cloth have promised me His forgiveness and heavenly admission for the chowder I gobbled of them. Yeah, you read it, and it wasn’t just the sauce I got, they both gave me candy too, and I don’t just mean the man-candy.

I like drugs, and if you haven’t tried them you can’t know what I’m talking about but they are way unbelievable. Snort it or smoke it but don’t shoot it and believe me it’s the bitch teats and the living of life and it’s the best.

AND BRITNEY TOLED ME TO DO IT

She’s huffed the fumes of God, snorted Santa’s own candy and drunk deep enough to lose her kids Don’t try to pretend that girl doesn’t know how to party. She borrows phones from paparazzi to make private calls and she’s shaven her head twice, not to mention her kitty daily from puberty to today.

Bottom line is she’s partied it up like the rock star cock star she is, and she’s still on top of the world and the charts.

IT’S LIKE THEY SAY, ONLY USERS LOSE DRUGS

They like to say that only losers use drugs, but that’s stupid. So many rich people and successful artists, musicians and movie stars get in to the drugs, and they don’t lose out. They might say smarter that some drug users don’t lose more than other non drug users but who cares?

YOU EVER USED DRUGS???

Drugs are the best. They cost a lot, but if God didn’t want us to gobble them gone He wouldn’t have also given me my magic spot. It’s way expensive sometimes, but usually a quick party in the hills makes it free, and if it’s a Tuesday during the fall lineup, you can always hit the strip and you’re cool to make the random couple bucks it takes. I been not prostituting but meeting new guys who can gimme a buck or fifty for hanging out a bit and that’s empowering.

If it was wrong to do drugs, would Britney do it? NO! Don’t be stupid. She tells girls like me what to do (but she tells me personally because we’re friends, just check my MySpace stupid!)

No matter how crazy she gets she still gets her kids back on weekends. She doesn’t even have to take them on weekdays. She makes like $770,000 a month, even when she’s asleep or doped up at the VMAs, she only has to pay that Klingon K-Fed f’er a few ten thousands a month to watch the kids while she goes out and lives La Vida Loca (that’s Spanish for “the Vida Loca”) so she gets to do her thing and snort as mad as she wants.

Oh Britney, I miss you and I love you and you’re OK in my book. My book is getting longer by the day and you are super awesome in it. I’m not saying we kissed or anything but let’s hang.