Wanna know all abouts? Yeah, can’t blame you, I’m pretty awesome and if you ever read my blog you so know it. Kewl!

I’m 14 years old, I live on my own (yeah, you read it, I’m an indipendint woman) and I’ve been holding my own since I was 11. Know it’s messed but it’s what the cards that God gave me. Just proves he’s a dick but I still pray to him (or at least call out his name when the mood moves me if you no what I mean.)

I live in Longbeach Cali, usually pretty close to the beach but sometimes pretty far out. My home goes in an out with the tides (or other things that go in and out, but whavev!)

And if you wanna know something about me you have to know I AM BRITNEY SPEARS FREAK!

We are friends, kind of but not close. She gives me advice and helps me no how to live my life, and tho she’s got some trouble I still love her and I’m there for her too. If anything happened to her I would so be there for her and she has to know that. I’m not on voice dial maybe but still.

Tho this site is all and way about Britney I can’t say she officially endorses it. Sure she’s my girl and I love her but it’s prolly the lawyer guys that keep us apart. No thang. You know she totally would approve it if she wasn’t all 5150′d in the hospital (total BS, she’s not crazy).

Not saying I’m going to burn it down while you’re sleeping or anything, just saying you should sleep with two eyes open, and maybe not with your damn wife who you said you were broken up with but I know you aren’t. Seriously man, if you’re reading this, do the right thing and pick up the phone and give your best baby a call. I’m still here for you. I can love you if you let me. You already had that unbelievable night with me where we smoked of the glass pipe. You think that was something strange? It wasn’t. That night was pure you + me = sexual passion.

I can be your baby girl. Let’s just do this. Leave your damn wife and let’s get real with our future

This song is about being powerful and being right and being empowered and how it’s not just OK to be a stripper, but it’s a good thing and it’s what Britney recommends. You gotta do what you gotta do to make the money but if you wanna make a guy give you more you gotta do what it takes to make them give you more.

[Spoken]It’s Britney Bitch (It is so you better recognize how great she is)
I see you, (She knows me, she sees me, she gets me)
And I just wanna dance with you (Powerful women can empower themselves by stripping)

Every time they turn the lights down (in the strip club, natch)
Just wanna go that extra mile for you (it’s a good way to make money if you do the extra stuff)
Public display of affection (a strip club is a public place, yo!)
Feels like no one else in the room but you (I know from Britney and my girl Houston that you say this stuff to make the guy feel special and pay you top bucks.)

[Bridge:]
We can get down like there’s no one around (in the VIP area or champagne room for the right price)
We keep on rocking, we keep on rockin’ (that’s later when the money is right and you wanna)
Cameras are flashing while we’re dirty dancing (it’s OK to do porn if the money is right)
They keep watching, keep watchin’ (on live webcam or in a member ship web site)
Feels like the crowd was saying

[Chorus:]
Gimme Gimme more (Money)
Gimme more (respect too becuz I’m not just meat)
Gimme gimme more [x4] (saying it 4 times means it’s totally true)

The center of attention, even when we’re up against the wall (in the strip club)
You got me in a crazy position (uh huh) (you should see the moves I’ve learned and you can for cash)
If you’re on a mission (ooh) (missionary position or mission to finish yourself off in the bathroom)
You got my permission oh (since your cash is green, my pink is mean)

[Bridge]
[Chorus (x4)] (Just proves how serious she is about this)

[Spoken]
I just can’t control myself, more (but I can control you and sometimes I can’t control myself because I might be late for work or get too jacked to do the job right)
They want more? (it’s a retortical question, of course they do)
Well I’ll give them more, ow! (The ow means sometimes it hurts but you still have to do it if you gonna get the money to your landlady or boyfriend)

[Chorus (x4)] (She’s way serious about it)

Gimme more gimme more
Gimme more gimme more babe (calling dudes babe makes the tips come rolling in)
I just want more (money, clothes, nose candy and whatever you got)

Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme [x4] (Filler, really, but she totally owned the song so it’s way OK)

I know what’s the what-what and Britney told me so I so know it’s all kinds of good. My life isn’t so different from Britney Spears, and I know because she talks to me and we work it out and I get by from it all.

Date the Richest:

Find somebody who makes good money, even that Osama “Sam” joker from the paparazzi and latch on for dear life. He had o-dark-cool money and him keeping her the top of tabloidlines was perfect. He brught pills to the table (all over the table, according to some reports) but what he really did was sell more records, and she took it. Big money is big money baby.

It’s like that guy Jake I dated for a while. He had a good job and bought me all kinds of clothes and took me out to dinner all the time. I got some jewelry and found out he was married. Whatever, I knew we didn’t have a future and I made even more money once I fingered it out so he paid me to keep my mouth shut (for the fist time since we were dating) and it’s all good.

Date the Hottest:

If you have a K-Fed (yuk) or J-Timb (yummy gay) on the hook, take that John money and pay it to get the real rocks off on the sly all you got to. What would you pay to have a guy like Justin, even if he is as queer as Lance Bass? A lot, that’s how much. Get that action when it happens. Date hot, date heavy, and pay what you have to. No big whatever. Think of it as an investment

Snort the Sweetest:

If you’ve got a line in front of you, doesn’t matter who bought it, harf it up and quick too. What else do you want me to say about this?

Be Responsable:

If you have kid you have to be a good person. If you have a job you should go sometimes. If you have an old aunt that never had kids you need to be there so she knows you’re all about her (or her estate LOL!) so don’t ruin the good things you have going.

Live it large, live it crizzazy!:

Don’t sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things. ROFLCOPTER!ELENTYONE!ONE!EXCLAMAIONTPOINT?) Do what you do, do it on the sly if you can, but if you can’t then you’s better does it on page one, am I right?

Cornclusion:

I conclude. Jess that and that’s that. You read it. You need more than read it again.

So a few weeks back I was with this guy I met at the gas station. I was buying my phone card to pay for my cell phone and I was short and he paid for it because I’m short, but I was short to pay for my card. He was so nice and he spotted me the two bucks I was missing to buy it.

He was old and not too gross or anything. He’s like 40 something (he said he was 35 but I later found out that isn’t true) and he said he was a record producer. I sing so it worked out good but I should have figured it out when I got in his 1996 Mazda 626 that something was wrong. Record producers drive Escalades, right? They so do, not old busted Japacrap, am I right?

Anyways I let him snack on my biscuit and I totaled mowed on him too but he never gave me his phone number or anything and he tried to disappear. Nice try Kevin “Moe Townsend” Waterston from Seal Beach, I know who you really are you bastard. You don’t let me into your life because I know you’re married, so you want to dance with this devil, let’s play baby, I got anger on tap for you byotch!

Since my new guy friend fingerd out where he lives I went to his house and banged on his windows, but then somebody turned lights on and I went next door and hid. The damn 5-0 came out in like a minute so I had to hide in the neighbors bushes in the backyard for like three hours until I thought they were gone. Made out like nothing, so F U Kevin, I’m watching you and your damn wife and kids. I swear to God you’re going down, so let us hope nothing bad happens to your car or house or anything, you know?